A Quarterly Round-Up…Q1 2024

Hi Hi. It has been a long minute since I last wrote. I have to admit that I have been feeling out of sorts over the past few months and once again, my mum came to the rescue. This time the message came through my best friend.

Healing

I haven’t had a heart-to-heart talk with my friend in years. She lives in the UK and we both let distance and life get in the way of our connection. On Thursday evening we took the time to have a veeeery looooong call and she told about her last conversation with my mum. It was exactly what I needed to hear and I spent Friday morning just crying my heart out because it was what I need to do. I have been feelng a lot more grounded since then. My year will get better from here on out. Thank you my friend and thank you Mummy for coming through for me from the other side.

A New Hobby

I have discovered that I actually really do enjoy photography. I was inspired by an iPhone photography influencer on Instagram. I didn’t quite realise what great pics I could take with my phone. I just have a basic iPhone 13 but the camera is still great. I am still playing around with it and I am just starting to figure out the editing apps. I am so excited! Below is just a few of my attempts. Forgive me if the collage looks extra big. I can’t seem to make it smaller.

Portrait of Shoes

A sunset from my window

Floral portrait

Floral Potrait II

Just me

Shoes

Multifaceted Me

Sink or Swim

Work has been challenging as well but I have been enjoying each new challenge that has come my way. There are days when it feels like my brain has actually expanded. I feel both exhausted yet energised. It’s so weird. I am learning a lot but I am also putting my strengths to work and I get to work with some of the best marketing minds in our business right now. I feel very blessed.

Life’s Knocks

Of course, all has not been rosy. I have gained weight instead of losing it and have been beset with aches and pains which has irritated me. I am working on sorting these issues out but until then I guess I will just have to grin and bear it. I also reconnected with another friend that I believe is like a soul mate. We connect in a way that I have never connected with anyone else before but we have disconnected again for reasons that are what they are. I do believe that we will connect again. Now is not the time though. Until then I will carry on but I will miss him dearly.

Growing and Learning

Lastly, my son’s grandfather took him and his brothers to the UK to watch Liverpool play. I am so grateful he had the experience. It also opened his eyes to the fact that there is a big wide world out there with so much to see and to do. The travel bug has now bitten him so now I will have to start saving for a trip for him and I. It’s a great problem to have!

That’s it for now. Thank you for popping by. Please feel free for any photography tips. I am eager to learn more:)

It is Better to Learn Late than Never – Publilius Syrus

Daily writing prompt

What colleges have you attended?

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Hello again. I have had the privilege of attending three different tertiary institutions thus far. I say thus far because I have two more qualifications that I will complete in the next decade.  Let’s get started.

Natal Technikon (now Durban University of Technology)

I was in my final year of high school, the year Nelson Mandela was released. As a result, I was able to apply to what was traditionally white-only tertiary institutions to study. I had no idea what I wanted to study. I just knew that I wanted to study something that was not offered by the University in my home town and it had to include science. My cousin was a food technologist. It sounded interesting and it met the other criteria i set, so that’s what I decided to apply for. 

The campus was in Durban, less than an hour from my hometown, so I didn’t stray too far from home. I had a blast! It was the first time I interacted with different races every day. It was great to get to know them and to dispel the “myths” I had heard about the different races growing up. Everyone was just an average human being like me. They had their issues, and their cultural differences became clear, but that was it really.  I think we were all pretty fascinated with each other. It was also clear that there were considerable differences between the educational systems. Each race has its own syllabus for each subject. I was very unprepared for tertiary education, but I was fortunate to partner with a fantastic woman named Jessica on our projects, and thanks to her, I managed to pass.

I eventually walked away with a National Diploma in Food Technology. It took me a lot longer because my priorities were in the wrong place, but I got to graduate. This was one period of my life that I am very grateful for. It’s the only time one gets to be carefree like a child while enjoying the privilege of being considered an adult. It’s this in-between stage of life that feels like a right of passage. I wish it were possible for every person to experience it.

Damelin College

Fast forward a few years. Thanks to my diploma, I eventually ended up working as a factory microbiologist. I wanted to understand production management a little better, so I took a course at night at Damelin. It’s a private college. If I remember correctly, I was the only woman in the class and it was quite fascinating at how all the men bent over backwards to help me understand the concepts. That course took a few months but this time I passed everything with flying colours.

Image: Canva

University of South Africa

It turned out that my diplomas were not sufficient to put me in line for a management position at the company for which I worked. (I still work for the same company today.) I began studying towards a BCompt in order to become a chartered accountant but made a swap for a Bcom majoring in Marketing once it became apparent that accounting was no longer my thing. I excelled at accountancy in high school, but this was accounting on another level. By this time, I was working in R&D and working closely with the marketing team. I also worked closely with the Consumer Insights team, and I knew this was what I wanted to do one day. I thought the marketing degree would cover both, but it didn’t quite do it for me. Despite this, I got the degree anyway and the management position. 

I was still fascinated with the psychological principles underlying the test methods we used in market research, so I enrolled for a BA in psychology and anthropology. I loved it, and before my mum passed, I told her that I would become a doctor after all. I told her I would be attaining a PhD in psychology because I enjoy it so much, and I hope to contribute to society’s body of knowledge through the research I hope to conduct in the future.  I completed my BA Honours in Psychology – Counselling Psychology in December last year and plan on enrolling for my Masters next year. I am not sure which University I will enrol at, though. Time will tell (and finances). I am really looking forward to graduating this year, though! It’s to step back and just celebrate what I have accomplished thus far.

The University of South Africa is a distance learning institution, so I have completed the last three qualifications by studying at home every night. It has not always been easy as a single mom, but I must admit that because I enjoy learning so much, I have enjoyed the journey. I must say, though, that having some life and business experience under my belt has helped me grasp concepts faster. This is probably also why I have been able to enjoy the journey so much.

Phew…that was a long story, but that is the “condensed” version of my time at college …lol. Thanks for walking down memory lane with me.

Did you also find yourself pivoting and returning to university at some point? What were your highlights if you did attend university? If you didn’t when you completed school, are you keen to go now, or is it just not your thing? Let me know in the comments.

Phew…so as you

“Life is more fun if you play games.” – Roald Dahl

Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?

Hello Hello! Hmmm…good question Bloganuary. I do play in my daily life. All work and no play makes Michelle a dull girl after all. Play takes several forms for me and which I choose depends on my frame of mind at the time.

• Online Scrabble – I have been playing this for about 14 years. I love that it has a chat feature. I have made a good few friends over the years. Most are based in the UK. This is my go to game when I need a distraction. It’s not mindless and I am learning new words and strategies all the times.
• Vegging in front of the TV – This is new for me. I am not a TV person, but I do have a few favourite programmes like Law & Order, Bosch, Reacher and Friends (my son and I can watch that show over and over again). My new favourites are the documentaries on Netflix. I really enjoyed the one on Arnold Schwarzenegger (phew, that took a few attempts to get the spelling right😅). I found it very inspiring. His story reminds us that anything is possible if you choose it to be and set your mind to it.
• Reading – Books are my forever companions. A fully loaded Kindle and a solar-powered power bank would be a must if you were to leave me on a desert island. :).
• Coffee with friends – I have very few friends, and they are worth more than their weight in gold. They help me see life from different perspectives and they soothe my soul.
• Shopping - I looove shopping although I don’t shop as often as I used to and won’t be this since my word for the year is “less”. I enjoy the thrill of acquiring items of beauty for my home that will make me look good or even a new book. I can spend hours in a bookshop just browsing. I very seldom leave empty-handed, too. I must buy at least one book.
• Spending time with my son – This always soothes my soul. He spends most of his time playing games these days, so I don’t get to spend as much time with him as I used to. As a result, I treasure the moments that I do get.

How do you define play? How do you play?

Image: Canva

Thrive Through Every Challenge

Daily writing prompt

What are your biggest challenges?

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Happy New Year Everyone! I am so excited that Bloganuary is back. This is the 3rd year that I will be participating.
I look forward to the prompts and making new friends.

So, what are my biggest challenges? I would say my top 3 are as follows (in no particular order):

1. Too much stuff

I just wrote about this yesterday, actually. My word for the year is “Less”. You can read more about why having too much stuff physically, digitally, and mentally is a challenge here.  The good news is that I made a little dent today with my wardrobe. Whoop whoop!

2. Creating systems

I tend to be a bit helter-skelter with most things. Last year, I set myself a goal of becoming more disciplined. While I have definitely improved, I have still not found a system to help me work, write, and run my home smoothly.  That is my dream, and I will succeed. I just need to put more effort into it.

3. Overcoming procrastination

I have written about this many times but have yet to find a solution. I have tried implementing the 2-minute rule, the 5-minute rule and every other rule I have read about, but I guess I have not been very disciplined about it. 

If I overcome these three challenges, I figure that 80% of my other challenges would disappear. So we persevere so that we may continue to rise.

Image: Canva

I look forward to reading about your challenges. All the best in overcoming them in 2024! 

Thanks for popping by. Be Blessed.

Less

That’s my word for the year. I have been looking around me for the past few weeks, and all I see is stuff. My wardrobes and cupboards are overflowing. My inboxes are overflowing. My folders are overflowing. There is just too much “overflowing” going on around me.

Image: Canva

That is not the only reason I want to have less of everything. I want to have less because I want to focus on the things and people in my life that will bring me more. More enrichment, more growth, more enjoyment, more experiences, more fulfilment, more fun and more focus…I guess you get the picture.

I am very grateful that I have been blessed with the means to accumulate all that, but I have definitely lost my way. I have accumulated largely for the sake of accumulating things and because I can sometimes, though, my bank balance takes some strain. 

The issue with accumulating stuff, responsibilities and projects is that you can quickly lose sight of the things that are important to you. There are areas of my life that run me because of this lack of focus which is not on. It is time to take back the areas I can control, like my finances and my home, for example. I have spent so much time, money and effort into my education that I have let the maintenance of my home slip. I have allowed so many little things that need fixing to accumulate. I don’t know about you, but I also find it quite stressful when things don’t work correctly, so fixing it all will lead to less stress.

Clearing the clutter also adds energy to a space, or at least that is how it makes me feel. The same is true for clearing the mental and digital clutter. I feel rejuvenated and more alive when I step into a cleared space. I must admit that if I have done too good a job clearing a room, I feel a little lost in the space. 

There are two areas that I will find the most difficult to clear: my bookcases and my clothes. I will have to come to terms with the fact that there are quite a few of each that I have to release for someone else’s enjoyment. I may never get to read/wear them, and that’s okay.

This is just one of my bookcases that is screaming for help 😱

I have tried physically decluttering before, but the clutter has somehow found its way back. I have come to the conclusion that it’s because I didn’t have a “why” that resonated with me each time I did it. I just did it because, at that point, I was tired of the clutter and wanted a clear space. This time, I know why I want to do this, and I am clear on the benefits for me and my son. I am clear on how to restructure the space to achieve my desired benefits.

Transformation takes time. This has been my other downfall previously. I had lacked patience with the process. I end up accepting a lower standard just to see a difference. So, in 2024, there will also be less rushing and lots more patience. 

So, I am looking forward to a clearer and more focused year. Less for More in 2024!

Thank you for walking with me through 2023! May your 2024 be blessed.

Do you have a word or phrase for the year to come? 

Love is the Truest Form of Grace in my Life

That line is Day 12’s centring thought in Deepak Chopra’s “Manifesting Grace through Gratitude” meditation programme. The programme is free and has been running for December. Each time I repeat that line, it brings me such peace.

I have been contemplating it, and it has made me think of how revitalising closed doors can be. I didn’t expect it to lead me to revisit closed doors, but it did. Perhaps it’s because I read about forgiveness in Marianne Williamson’s “A Return to Love” this morning. In it, she says that the Course says: To forgive is merely to remember only the loving thoughts you gave in the past and those that were given you. All the rest must be forgotten.” It makes sense if you remember that forgiveness is a quest to return to a state of inner peace. This passage has been rolling around in my subconscious the whole day, and then this evening, I came across Deepak’s line.

According to the Christian religion, Grace is the unmerited favour of God. God would not give us Grace if He hadn’t already seen past all our perceived wrongs. He only shows love and understanding. So, to know that I live surrounded by God’s love every second of every day, no matter what I do and how many mistakes I make in life, makes me feel whole and complete. What more can I possibly ask for. And if I have such complete love, then so does everyone else, so who I am, to hold grudges against people and cause myself unnecessary stress, anger and drama. Peace only comes through seeing past people’s mistakes.

Photo by Taryn Elliott on Pexels.com

OK, Michelle, what does this have to do with closed doors? Well, while contemplating the thought, I realised that I would be in the space that I am today, mentally and spiritually, if some doors had not been closed to me. When some doors closed, I initially focused on the closed door. It hurt. As time went on, I focused on my spiritual growth. I realised that God was giving me space to learn to love myself, to see myself as the whole and fantastic human being that I am, and to find peace and thrive. Now that I understand who I am, it is much easier to let go of the anger and disappointment I might feel towards someone who caused a door to close on me, closed the door themselves, or I had to close it too, and thank them instead. This goes for me as well. If God can love me as I am, with all my faults, who am I to judge myself. Besides, how would I have learned anything if I hadn’t made any mistakes?

So here I am…filled with and surrounded by love and Grace, which gives me a sense of peace. What has your experience of grace and forgiveness being?

Hope that made sense to you. Thanks for popping by. Be blessed.

Rejection has nothing to do with your worth

Daily writing prompt

Are you a good judge of character?

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Today I have decided to respond to the day’s prompt which asks if I am a good judge of character. I believe that the answer is yes. I believe Maya Angelou had it right when she said:

“When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.”

Maya Angelou

I believe that people show us who they are in two ways:

1. Their Energy

We all exude an energy and for me, it’s a sensitivity to that energy that helps me understand whether I want to keep someone in my life or not. It doesn’t mean that the person is good or bad as such but it means that they are good or bad for me. If I keep getting a nagging feeling about a person when I am in their company then I walk away as that person’s agenda is probably detrimental to me in some way or is incompatible with my goals/vision for my life.  

Image: Canva

2. Their Actions

I am an “actions speak louder than words” kinda gal. And they do. No matter what people say, they will always show you who they are especially when they start getting comfortable with you. As a single woman who still dates, this is a huge help. I often find that when you start dating or just chatting to someone they will generally message you often. You will get that morning text and have that evening chat with a few messages sprinkled in-between throughout the day. The one’s worth giving a chance to are the ones who at least keep up the morning messages and evening chats. They are at least interested in a relationship and in you as a potential long term partner. The rest…that morning text is usually the first to go. Once that goes, I am out. Either that person just enjoys the chase, which is what it is, or they are just not into me and that’s ok too. I came across this quote on IG about a year or two ago: “Rejection has nothing to do worth your worth but it has everything to do with your compatibility.” I listened to it over and over and once I internalised, it became a game changer. So when someone’s actions show that they are not into me anymore or might never have been, it’s ok. It has nothing to do with my worth.

How do you decide who you allow into your world?

That’s it for today. Thanks for stopping by. Be blessed!

Celebrating 2023: A month or gratitude- Day 21

Image: Canva

Earlier this year, a friend asked me how I always noticed the seemingly little details around me that seemed to pass her by. I was humbled by the question. I didn’t realise I did it, to be honest, and had to think about how I got here as I didn’t always notice them.

If I think back, it probably started when I made the choice to be more grateful for the things I had rather than waste time only desiring the things that I didn’t have. I had made a list of all my achievements, big and small, and all the things I owned that I was really grateful for and why. That exercise blew me away. I was so proud of myself and, at the same time, humbled by all that God had given. I don’t have a whole hoard of stuff, but I have a lot, more than most, which humbles me.

Being a mother to a toddler also made me see the world through a kid’s eyes again. Mother Earth is an absolute marvel through a kid’s eyes. The trick is always keeping that child’s sense of awe and wonder when looking at a sunset, sunrise, centipede, or simple tree. I now sit by a window at work that at least has a view of the greenery outside. I had an ocean view for a while but had to move desks. The best part is that even though I sit at the same desk every time, the view outside is never exactly the same. God blesses me with a new picture every day.

I guess the lesson is that gratitude can bring a sense of awe and wonder into your life and help you appreciate the things you would generally take for granted around you. It will even help look at people differently. You will see the positive in them without even trying.

I love this way of viewing the world and life in general. It has allowed me to finally comprehend that “this too shall pass” when bad times try to overwhelm me and that there is always something good to hold on to, even in the middle of what may feel like a hurricane. Always!

Oh, and today, I am most grateful that the book I ordered arrived a week early! I have been waiting for this book to be published for almost 10 years!!! It’s finally here, and I can’t wait to get started! I loved “I Am Pilgrim”. It was the first book I enjoyed reading when my son got a little older, and I had a little time to read again. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I couldn’t find a book that I enjoyed as much for a few months after that. The publisher has been pushing the book’s launch out every year since about 2015. I had given up on it, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to see it exists! Have you read it yet, or “I Am Pilgrim”? What did you think?

Image: Author’s own

Well that’s it from me today. Thanks for stopping by. Be blessed.

Celebrating 2023: A Month of Gratitude – Day 20

Hello again! I am keeping it short and sweet today.

Today I am just grateful for all that I have and am. 

Bye for now! Be Blessed!

Image: Canva

Celebrating 2023: A Month of Gratitude – Day 19

Hi Again. There are 5 days to Christmas and I have only bought one Christmas present. Talk about putting myself under pressure! I will get there eventually though. I always do. How is your Christmas shopping going? I hope it’s better than mine.

Photo by Matthias Cooper on Pexels.com

The thing I am most grateful for today is that my son has reached his first destination safely. He has one more leg to go in a few days time. I know he is going to have a really good Christmas but I will definitely miss him every day.

Today I had a very good stakeholder meeting at work. As I mentioned last week, I have had been offered a cool opportunity at work. I didn’t realise at all how cool it was (well at least to me) until today’s meeting. I feel like I have been preparing for this opportunity for a while now and I didn’t quite realise it. I was really just reading books and articles that really interested me with the intention to implement everything I learnt but no-one else has been in the same space. I have felt like I have been trying to push people up a hill so that they can get to the summit and see what see and it has been exhausting.  Now I have the opportunity to lead a team in the same direction. It will still be exhausting but it will be a very different type of exhaustion if that makes sense. I am so excited and very grateful. I am also very nervous as I have never been give this level of responsibility before. I can only thank God for bringing me to this and I need to trust that He will lead me through it.

Image: Canva

2024 is going to be a wonderful challenge and I look forward to the person I will be at the end of it. What challenges and opportunities are you looking forward to in 2024? Let me know in the comments.

Celebrating 2023: A Month of Gratitude – Day 18

Daily writing prompt

Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.

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Since this is my month of gratitude, this prompt was right up my alley. There are a few men who have positively impacted my life. There’s my father, my son (even though he isn’t quite a man yet), and a friend who was clearly in my life for a reason and is no longer around, to name a few. Let’s start with my dad.

My Dad

Before my son’s arrival, no person loved me unconditionally like my dad did. What I do doesn’t matter; even if I disappoint him terribly, I am loved. What more could I ask of any human being. My dad is a gentle, loving soul who has a good heart. He finds his purpose in doing things for others. He is not all sparkle and fairy dust, though. He was very strict with us when we were kids and had quite a temper. Although he only hit my sister and me once each, and he couldn’t bear the pain he caused us, he never ever hit us again. He is very quiet and loves to read. All the second-hand booksellers in the area know me because I am constantly buying him books to read. He loves history and is our family’s genealogist. From him, I learnt that “this too shall pass”, that I can do anything I put my mind to and that being a woman is not a reason to let anyone hold me back. He has taught me what it feels like to be loved unconditionally and what it means to be of service to others. I am so grateful to call him Dad.

My Son

My son is a gift that I thank God for every day. He is an old soul and, therefore, a wise soul. He has taught me to appreciate the little things in life and who I am. I have watched him evolve through each stage of his life, and I marvel at how quickly things change. This year, I have watched him grow from an angry young person trying hard to be brave to a calmer, more mature young man. He inspires me to want to be better and to set an example for him. Each time he raises his game, I am inspired to raise mine even further. I could not have asked for a more wonderful son. I am very grateful for him.
The other thing that my son has taught me is that males are indeed a different ball game altogether. I do not have any brothers, so I only experienced males as friends and, of course, as boyfriends. I used to get so frustrated with my boyfriends about how they viewed life and behaved. I had a terrible habit of always picking weirdos for boyfriends. Having a son has taught me that they were not weirdos; they were just boys being boys. Now that I know that, I can live with it. Thank you, my child, for teaching your mum to appreciate men as they are.

My Friend, Dan

Dan came into my life a few months ago. It was very unexpected, and we just clicked. He is a fascinating, very well-rounded guy who lives on another continent. He has experience as a teacher, and he finds his purpose in creating programs to help kids overcome whatever difficulties they may be facing. I truly believe God sent him to me because He knew I needed help with my son. The funny thing is that Dan doesn’t believe in God, and I understand why he doesn’t, but it didn’t stop God from working through him.
Spirituality teaches us that if we want others to change their behaviour, we must change ours first, and they will respond in time. I was so wrapped up in thinking that there was something wrong with my child that I started to feel powerless to change the situation. Dan helped me see that there was nothing wrong with my son and that I needed to change his behaviour when he became angry. This turned everything around far sooner than I expected. I am so grateful for his help in changing my perspective about my son. He also appreciated me in such a way that I liked who I saw when I viewed myself through his eyes. Through his eyes, I realised that I already am the person I aspired to be and that I am ready to evolve to the next version of me. I am so grateful to him for this insight.

I wouldn’t be who I am today if it was not for each of these men. Who are the men in your life that have brought a positive change?

Thanks for reading! Be blessed!

Celebrating 2023: A Month of Gratitude-Day 17

Hello hello! Welcome back!

I had such a wonderful evening with my best friend this evening. We visited the annual Trail of Lights held at the Durban Botanical Gardens. The weather was perfect and the company even more so. 

We have attended this event every year together with our sons. I really look forward to it. This year, our sons dumped us for the Liverpool vs Man U game! We were shocked but I guess it’s a sign that they are growing up now. We didn’t let them stop us though.

Today I am so grateful for my friend, Johnine. One morning in 1987, I was on my way to school when I heard my name being called by a girl behind me. It was Johnnie. We had never spoken before and for whatever reason, she called out to me and we started walking to school together. What started out as a walk to school has become a walk through life together. She was even with me in the theatre when I gave birth to my son. I am so blessed to still call her my best friend after all these years.  She is an amazing human being who has a very pure heart and the strongest faith in God of anyone I know. And let me tell you…God has her back 24/7/365! All I can say is: “Thank you God for blessing me with her friendship.”

I’ll leave you with a few pics of the beautiful lights that we had the pleasure of viewing this evening as well a pic of the build-a-bear, Johnine spoilt me with. I have decided to call her Bella-Amour. 

Thanks for stopping by! Be blessed!

Celebrating 2023: A Month of gratitude – Day 16

Hi there! I can’t believe I missed writing about day 15! I have to admit, though, that this year, I am super tired, and all I want to do these days is “veg”. This year has been fabulous, but it has also taken its toll on me.

Usually, I would feel terribly guilty because I would be worried that I am just being lazy, but I know I am not. I am just really, really tired. I know that if I don’t listen to my body now, I am likely to crash and burn at some point in the near future. That helps no one. Our well-being is so important, yet we take it for granted until our health takes a huge hit. I have a few tools in my well-being arsenal that have helped me through this year. These include:

• Lots of Sleep: Some weekends and even some weeknights, I spend most of my time just sleeping as much as possible until the day arrives when I feel well-rested again. I don’t know about you, but I often find that it takes more than one night’s good sleep to get me back to feeling rested when I am exhausted. 
• Hot baths – This is usually my weekend go-to when I need to sort my thoughts out. With a few candles, an essential oil burner, and my Spotify “Chill Beats” playlist, I am good to go. I love the smell of jasmine, wild orchid, ylang-ylang, and sandalwood. I also enjoy the scents of lime and clary sage and Ginger & lime. The latter has such a clean scent. 
• Walking– walking in the afternoon with my friend, Megan, has helped as we bounce our thoughts, ideas and some of our frustrations off each other. Walking is known to help generate new ideas, so it has been great to have someone to walk with and talk through the ideas as they come through. 
• Green Tea with Jasmine/Camomile Tea – These help me get a good night’s rest. I sleep like the dead when I drink jasmine-scented green tea. I woke up feeling like my brain had completely shut down. My sleep feels dreamless, although it probably isn’t.
• Journalling – This is where I vent most of the time. It is so liberating to get stuff off my chest without any filters. Journalling is proven to help people get through difficult periods. In “Writing Down Your Soul: How to Activate and Listen to the Extraordinary Voice Within”, Janet Conner has a well-researched chapter on the science behind why journalling works. The entire book is beneficial as well. I don’t always do it daily, but knowing that I have somewhere to vent unfiltered when I need to is always reassuring.
• Friends and family – sometimes, connecting with a friend is all you need to leave you feeling rejuvenated. It’s just my son and I at home, so I come to teenage conversations every day. Sometimes, I need to connect with a fellow adult in the evenings. Then I pick up a phone and call a friend. Thankfully, whoever I call is always available to chat. I am very grateful to my friends. I really don’t know what I would do without their support. I am blessed.

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs on Pexels.com

What tools do you have in your toolbox to get you through life? I would love to hear what works for you. Please add them in the comments.

Well, that’s it from me today. I think I will hop into the hot bath and then enjoy a cup of jasmine-scented green tea next :). 

Celebrating 2023: A month of gratitude – Day 10

Today was a lazy day. I was also a day of reflection of the year that was and all that I had accomplished.

I cannot tell you when last I slept so much through the course of a day. I put old episodes of Law & Order on and snoozed ever so often while watching. I love Law & Order and am thrilled to see that there is a new season. I love listening to that New York accent and guessing who did the crime. It also helped that it was a cool wet day as well. Perfect for reading, watching TV and napping.

I have also enjoyed long calls and quality time with great friends. This has been a soul restoring weekend. Just what the doctor ordered.

In addition, I spent the time reviewing what I had wanted to achieve this year as well as planning my goals for 2024. Below is a list of some the goals I had set and how I performed against them.

1. Becoming disciplined: I set myself the goal of creating a system that would lay the foundations of becoming more disciplined. I also started reading ‘The Daily Stoic’ and ‘Discipline is Destiny’, both by Ryan Holiday. I didn’t finish either book so that tells you how close I came to achieving that goal! Lol! I did finish ‘Building a Second Brain’ by Tiago Forte though and that did help me create a system that allows me to store information better. I still have work to do on it though. The Universe also sent two highly disciplined new members to join my team at work. I think It saw that I was a bit of a lost cause so I got disciplined people instead :).
2. Read more: I set myself the goal of reading 45 books this year and am sitting on 23 which is two more than I read last year. I will end the year on about 25 or 26. I may not have achieved the 45 but I did read more than last year so it’s a win in my books.
3. Complete my Honours Degree: I also knew that I had to complete the last two subjects required for my honours degree this year. I am so thrilled that I have achieved this!
4. Present more often: At work I came out of my shell and presented more often. It absolutely terrified me but I am still standing so I guess it wasn’t that bad. I presented at least once a month to a forum in which our Africa leadership team was present, led 2 training sessions for the same forum and joined our wellness team and ran a training session through this team as well. Considering I probably presented once or twice in the same forum last year, I would say that I outdid myself this year! Oh wait, the icing on the cake was the training sessions I ran as part of a workshop in Nigeria this year. I was so nervous as our Marketing VP joined my session first but, once again, I survived and in fact, I felt like I thrived! Whoop whoop!
5. Develop an abundance mindset: I worked hard to change my mindset from that of scarcity to abundance. I have definitely made progress but I still have work to do. Here I have focused on asking myself “How can I afford it?” vs “I can’t afford it” as an example.
6. Exceed expectations: I won 2 awards at work recognising my contribution to a squad I was apart of. That blew my mind. I did not expect it.
7. Be More Visible at Work: Lastly, and very importantly, this year I felt seen and appreciated by the right people in the right places at work. I am very grateful that I was able to achieve this while dealing with a grieving son and completing my studies amongst other things.

Three commitments that I made to myself this enabled at least 90% of these accomplishments. I committed to:

• feel the fear and do it anyway
• be authentic in everything I do
• Trust that God opened the door/put me in the room for a reason. My job was to do the work and always put my best foot forward. He would take care of the outcome.

This has been a very good year in so many ways. It’s definitely been a year worth celebrating! I am very grateful to have experienced it. I look forward to experiencing all the good things that 2024 brings and it will be an even better year!

A month of gratitude 2023 – Day 9 – Closed doors

This morning I woke up to a new reality. I had a door close gently in my face yesterday. I had instigated the change though in my own way so it wasn’t a complete surprise. It was a reminder that if there is one thing that is constant in life, it’s change. We always have 2 choices: resist or accept the change. As always, each choice has consequences.

Accept the Consequences

In Year of Yes, Shonda Rhimes writes: “Difficult conversations are something of a gamble and you have to be willing to be okay with the outcome. And you have to know, going in, where you draw the line. You have to know when in the conversation you are going to say no. You have to know when you are going to say, “That doesn’t work for me.” You have to know when to say, “I’m done.” You have to know when to say, “This isn’t worth it.” “You aren’t worth it.”.

Five years ago I lashed out at someone out of sheer frustration. It was a knee jerk reaction more than a difficult conversation as such and I wasn’t prepared for the consequences so I resisted the change. I was broken and spent many months trying to undo what I perceived as “the damage” at the time. I felt terribly guilty until I read “Year of Yes” and realised that all that happened was that I wasn’t prepared for the consequences in that moment. I had made the decision internally but I wasn’t ready to act on it yet. Do you know what I mean?

Yesterday I lashed out, out of frustration again and once again it caused a door to close. This time I was ready. This time I can walk away in peace. While I probably could have handled the situation better, I was prepared mentally for the possible fallout making it easier to accept. Once you accept anything you tend to have peace and new paths become visible. It’s easier to move on. It is also easier to deal with any pain or disappoint that might form part of the consequence.

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Experiences Always Come with Lessons

So, today I am grateful for closed doors and the opportunities and possibilities that they represent. Every situation and relationship also presents lessons. One of the lessons that was reinforced for me was that people will always let you know what they are available for upfront. Sometimes they can be a vague but ignore it at your own peril. In this case, I wasn’t surprised by the way the person showed up eventually, I was more frustrated with myself because I saw the red flag when they raised it but, being the psychology student that I am, I was curious so I continued down the garden path and ended up at the dead-end that I knew was coming.

“Hope is the thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it and to work for it and to fight for it.”

Barack Obama

So despite all the red flags, all that evidence to the contrary, I lived in hope but alas, it was not to be. It was a beautiful garden path though and I am grateful I got to see the sights and have the experience.

It’s Called a Blindspot for a Reason

Another lesson I learned is that blindspots are called that for a reason. Sometimes people just can’t see how they get in their own way. I have of course done this for 99% of my life and probably still do far too often. Sometimes people are just nestled so deeply in their comfort zones that they are not prepared to make themselves uncomfortable again in order to achieve a higher goal. They see it, they want it but not just bad enough to do what it takes to get it. They have loads of excuses and keep pushing the goal out to a date in the future. This was the first time I consciously watched this play out. It was fascinating.

What I also learned was that it is far easier to accept that they will not achieve their goal if you remain an observer and don’t get involved. You can plant seeds but you have to accept that most will fall on rocky ground. Advice is free and it does come from the advisor’s point of view so it’s not really surprising that most people tend to ignore someone else’s advice or insight. Speaking for myself, I do find though that there is always at least something to contemplate when someone shares their thoughts with me. I believe that God is always guiding and directing us through others so I always try to pay attention to the guidance I receive. Sadly, I will never get to find out if any of the seeds I planted landed on fertile soil as this person is in a completely different social circle. I have faith that they will figure things out when they are ready to though.

Well that’s it from me today. How often do you look for the lessons when something comes to an end? Does it change how you show up in anyway? I invite you to let me know in the comments

Celebrating 2023: A Month of Gratitude – Day 8

My home is my safe haven. My son and I have lived here longer than anywhere else. We have had a lot of firsts here and lots of highs and lows. My home is does not look perfect but it is where my son and I get to be our perfectly imperfect selves every single day. I love my home and I am very grateful for it. I am also grateful that I can afford it in these very turbulent times. I am thankful that I made it through another year in my home.

It’s also 3 years this month since I bought my car. I thought the novelty of driving her would have worn off by now but I still love it! It is such a zippy little car. I am grateful to own the car that I do and to still be able to have fun driving it.

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Celebrating 2023: A Month of Gratitude – Day 7

I passed my exams!!! I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am to have achieved this! I needed to complete just 2 more subjects this year in order to graduate with my BA Honours in Psychology. I earned a distinction for one and scraped through by the skin of my teeth with the other but I will take it! A pass is a pass!

I also what to say thank you to all who have congratulated me and especially to my friend, Gayle, who went out with me to have a coffee to celebrate. Alcohol is not really my thing anymore but coffee is definitely life!

I am grateful for the privilege of being able to study a little later than most. As I mentioned in a previous post, I am a bit of a late bloomer. My curiosity around why we do what we do only became apparent to me when I joined the R&D team. My desire to learn about and understand psychological principles only became apparent to me 10 years ago. I would really love to spend the rest of my days doing tons of academic research especially around the psychology of consumerism. I suspect there is a lot to uncover as well as the mind, body and spirit connection. Watch this space…

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Celebrating 2023: A Month of Gratitude – Day 3

2023 has been a year of abundance. I would like to believe that it is because I made a greater effort to nip the scarcity mindset I have had all my life and started believing that I will always have more than enough and that I deserve, and am worthy of, the best of everything I desire.

I only realised last year that I had never believe this about myself. It is not easy to change such a long held belief but it is not impossible either and I have only just begun. Imagine what lies before me!

This year, I was finally appointed to the role that I have wanted for years! I am so thrilled and very grateful. I won a competition through my bank that basically covered my petrol bill for the second half of the year. How’s that for the Universe having my back! I received the biggest bonus I have ever received this year! I believe that this was God ensuring that I would make through this year with a lot less financial stress than I have been experiencing.

These are just a few examples of all the unexpected financial help I have received this year. I believe that because I believed that I would have more than enough, I opened the door for God/Universe to deliver to that belief. May I never forget this awesome lesson that I learned this year. Thank you God!

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Celebrating 2023: A Month of Gratitude – Day 2

This year I have had a lot to celebrate but life has also thrown a few challenges my way. I am grateful for these challenges though as I’ve learnt a lot about my perception of myself and the people I interact with. Mostly I am grateful to God for hearing my cries and sending me help whenever requested.

I am especially grateful for all the help I have received with getting my son through his first year of grieving for his dad. Thank you to my friends (old and new) and family for listening when I needed to vent, for your prayers for my child and for your guidance.

I have had to make changes in order to give him the space to find his own way through his anger and grief. I have had to accept that sometimes my behaviours were not helping him at all and so I had to stop some of them to bring about a change in his behaviours. I am amazed at how quickly he has learnt to recognise when his behaviour hasn’t been optimal and he needs to stop and pivot.

He is such an amazing kid. I am truly blessed to be to his mum.

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Celebrating 2023: A Month of Gratitude – Day 1

Wow, here we are again. Day 1 of the final month of the year. I have so much to reflect on and lots to be grateful for.

2023 has been a journey like no other. A few dreams have come true. Some are on their way there. The losses have been learnings and the near misses have been eye openers. I mean where do I even begin?

Let’s start at the beginning. Reaching 50 has been a wonderful blessing. I said that my 50’s are going to be my best decade yet at the beginning of this year and it has definitely started well! I feel like this year I really came into myself. I still have lots of work to do but I have never been as comfortable in my own skin or as happy to be as I have been this year.

Image: Canva

The reality is that not much has changed materially in my world but I have changed and that has made all the difference.

Wishing you abundant blessings in every moment.

Facing It

I had been feeling out of sorts for the past 3-4 weeks. I wasn’t sure why. This past weekend it suddenly hit me what the problem was or at least I thought I did.

As it turns out, a person came in to my life a few months ago and, unintentionally, reminded me of a space I found myself in at one point. I felt so guilty at the time but things worked out brilliantly (largely) so I thought I was done with that period in my life. Suddenly, here it was, gnawing away at my conscience a little at a time. About 2 weeks ago I found myself in a situation which really set my alarm bells off and made me stop and think about what was really going on. 

I spent a day or two just contemplating it all. I sat and spoke it through with a very good friend and in the process, the real issue, came to the surface.   I had buried it so deep and overlaid it with a story that worked for me. I told myself I felt guilty about it but that wasn’t true . That belief in my guilt, that story that I told myself, has kept me trapped in the past and living in fear of consequences that are never going to happen for so long.

I cried as spoke to my friend. I cried because I realised that the thing that was really bugging me was that the one person I thought would be the last to judge me, was the only one who did. We were in it together. We chose to act together in a moment of time and then suddenly I was the bad person for taking the action with them but they were not. They refused to accept responsibility for their actions and laid the blame at my door. Not only did they blame me but they hurled the most devastating insults at me. Their insults made me question my worth as a human being and they made sure they insulted me every chance they got. Even though I knew that their behaviour was coming from a place of pain within themselves and, that I shouldn’t let it bother me, I clearly internalised it anyway. I was devastated then and it still hurts when I think of it now to be honest but at least now I know where the issue lies and I feel liberated. 

Image: Canva

The reality is that the person that unintentionally acted as the trigger (let’s call them Lex), is also someone who has brought so much positivity in my life. I love the person that I get to see through their eyes. She is pretty awesome! 🙂 Perhaps that’s what really freaked me out, I have finally met another human being who I really respect, admire and enjoy and I treasure the connection that I have with them. I used to treasure my connection with the person who turned on me too which is why their harsh judgement of me hurt so much. I don’t want Lex to turn around and judge me in the same way one day.

I guess the moral of the story is that I need to accept that for every action I take, there will be consequences. Some good, some bad and some will be really bad. Every choice I make must be made with an acceptance that I will not have control over those consequences but I will have control over how I react and what I take from the experience. At the end of the day, even though it felt like that whole episode broke me at the time, the reality is that it didn’t. I am stronger and, now that I am actually working through it, a little wiser. 🙂

During our conversation, my friend taught me about the word Tawakkul which essentially speaks to putting your trust and faith in God in Arabic. She reminded me that it is not for me to question but rather to accept and surrender to the situations I find myself in. Everything is working out for my good all the time even when it looks like it may not. I might just make the word Tawakkul my next tattoo as a reminder to do whats in my control but leave the rest to God’s grace. 

That’s it for now! Thanks for reading.

Reflections

‘You will never have this day again so make it count’ – the cover of my new spiral notebook said. Ironic, given that death is top of mind for me today. It’s been 5 years since my mum passed away. While our lives have moved on, I sometimes find myself wondering what I could have done to make my time with her count more.

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As I have mentioned in previous posts, my mum and I were not very close. There is nothing I can do to change that, but it’s always good to reflect and learn from our experiences. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

I would have given her more grace.

I was (and still am) very headstrong as a kid. My mum and I would constantly clash. I thought I had all the answers. As a result, she would often send me to my dad for help with my homework, in an effort to preserve her sanity. I took this as a sign that she didn’t know the answers, but that wasn’t true. She knew. She just didn’t want to get into an argument if her answer wasn’t what I expected. I grew up believing that my dad was way smarter than my mum, but she was actually just as smart, if not smarter in some ways. I can only imagine how much better our relationship would have been and how much I would have learned from her if I had just given her some grace and respected her knowledge more.

I would have spent more quality time with her

I would have spent more time doing the things she loved with her. Baking was my mother’s love language. She poured her heart and soul into it, and it was evident in every morsel. As I write this, my son is making an apple pie in memory of her. It’s what she did with her grandchildren. It’s how she built a bond with them. They loved baking with granny, and it’s how my son chooses to connect with her even though she is gone. She and I also enjoyed word puzzles, so I tried to connect with her over that, but I could have done more. We also enjoyed reading, although she enjoyed romance novels the most, which was just not my thing. But I would read her books nonetheless and add some to her little bookshelf for when she was in the mood to read.

I seem to have intuitively done these things with my son. I have made it my priority to spend as much time as possible doing the things he enjoys so that we can share the bond that I didn’t get to share with my mum. I do appreciate that my mum had to split her time and energy between four very different daughters, so she did the best she knew how. I only have one child, and that is taxing enough, so I can only imagine what it was like raising four!

I was thinking back to the stories that people told of her at her memorial, and it was wonderful to hear how she became a mentor to some. My mother always loved giving back to the community, especially through the church, and it was evident that the manner in which she chose to give back had evolved from being part of committees to mentoring people. She kept giving back to the very end.

I do miss her terribly and always will. I am glad, though, that she is at peace where she is, and I am grateful that she is still there when I need her – just in a different form. I am also very grateful that she passed her baking skills on to my son. That apple pie he made was delicious!

I guess that’s it for now. Chat soon.

Quotes to live by: Ryan Holiday

“Once something is done, you can build on it. Once you get started, momentum can grow. When you show up, you can get lucky.”

Ryan Holiday (Discipline is Destiny)

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Letters to my son: #1 You are enough

I read somewhere recently that as parents, we are mere shepherds whose role it is to guide our children while they are in our care. I hope these letters will help him navigate life and help him find the path that God intended for him to walk.

Just the two of us

Dear Alex,
Throughout life, you will meet people and find yourself in situations that will make you question your worth and abilities, and sometimes, you will even question your sanity. Sadly, a lot of the time, they will be people that you love and thought you could respect.
They will pick on your appearance, on what you say, and on what you do. They will also try to use your beautiful golden brown skin against you. They will try to belittle you in every possible way.
Don’t let them. Stand tall in the knowledge that you are enough just as you are. Everything about you is unique and is to be celebrated. Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are. Don’t let this make you arrogant, though. Remain humble and grounded. You will accomplish so much more by doing this.
Marianne Williamson says in her book “A Year of Miracles”: “The perfect you isn’t something you need to create because God already created it.” Please always remember this. You are enough as you are.
This is one of my favourite passages from Marianne Williamson’s book, A Return to Love. Let it help you when your confidence is low.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

All my love and then some more,

Mum ❤️

Not All Eating Plans are Created Equal

Hello Everyone! It’s been a while. How is it that we are halfway through the 2nd quarter of the year already? Anyway, I have popped in to share a recent experience with a weight challenge I joined. Know this for sure, not all eating plans are created equal.

Maya Angelou famously said, ‘ When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.’ Well, I have learned that this is not only true for people but for programmes as well. I recently took up my medical aid’s healthy weight challenge (yes, I am still on that journey😅). That was my first mistake.

Assumption is the mother of all…

The first alarm bells started ringing when I did the little survey when I signed up. There was no diabetic option under dietary requirements. I figured they already knew my diagnosis, so my diet would automatically be diabetic-friendly. I was wrong. I was pretty excited by the recipes they had provided. They looked simple enough and relatively tasty. More alarm bells went off when I saw the mention of low-fat yoghurt and what looked like a lot of carbs. Given all the bad press and the growing scientific evidence that low-fat is not as healthy as everyone thought it was, I was surprised that they are still recommending it. The other crucial red flag was that nutritional information was unavailable for the meals. The data was also kept from the dieticians that were supporting us. Despite all these red flags, I soldiered on. I had a dietician assigned to me, so I thought she would point out where a meal might need some adjustment for a person with diabetes. Once again, I was wrong.

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The Journey is Supposed to be Enjoyable

Nope, it wasn’t. It was stressful. I had to take pics of every meal and share them with the dietician daily. She would critique my meals which I really felt was unnecessary. Still, it was the closest I came to understanding the nutritional composition of my meals. Eventually, I resorted to using the app, My Fitness Pal to get a feel for how carb heavy my meals were. In the end, it was my body that confirmed that this eating plan was not working for me. I was not losing weight, and I felt bloated and uncomfortable. Thankfully, I wasn’t gaining weight, but I definitely didn’t lose any. Eventually, I made a choice to stop following the plan. The dietician is still available to me as I signed up for the 6-month program, so let’s see how that goes. She would cost way more for one visit than I pay for daily access to her expertise monthly, so why not.

So I have decided to keep most of my meals low carb, high fat. I need to get back to doing the 16:8 IF. I have let that eating window slide to about 10 hours because I have been eating my last meal too late. The good news is that since I stopped that eating plan, I have lost 2kg over about 3 weeks, which is a good start. Now I need to keep these good habits up so that number on the scale maintains its downward trend.

My son and I have also joined the gym, although we have yet to make it a regular habit. I love classes and started the step class. Oh, my hat! The pace is hectic! The routine is not as simple as it was 20 years ago (Yes, it is that long since I joined a step class🫣), and the instructor includes a few Zulu dance moves here and there. It is good fun, but phew, it is a challenge.

Photo by Kseniia Lopyreva on Pexels.com

Well, that’s it from me for now. I hope all the mums have had a delightful and blessed Mother’s Day today. Bye for now!

Going Vegetarian – What a Challenge!

We are a week  into lent and my son and I had decided that we would give up meat for our Lenten fast.  While I am not a religious person, there are certain Christian rituals that I still believe in and look forward to participating in.  Lent is one of them.  For the record I was baptised into the Anglican faith as a baby and had my son baptised into it as well simply because it is one of those rituals that brings my soul peace.

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Anyway, back to my vegetarian challenge!  It’s been rough. Other than the odd margherita pizza or a Greek salad, my son and I don’t generally do vegetarian dishes.  It was also a spur of the moment decision so we were not prepared.  There we were, munching on our flapjacks (we did not have pancake mix and were lazy to make some from scratch) on Shrove Tuesday when we decided that we would change our fast from chips and chocolates to meat.  With the cost of living today, both could be considered luxuries.

Thus far, besides vegetarian pizza’s, we have yet to find at least 5-6 dishes that we enjoy and can rotate for the Lenten period.    There is still 6 weeks to go after all.😜 My son was partial to the vegetarian version of “chicken nuggets” although I have a feeling they will be wasted if I buy them again.  My vegetarian pasta was awfully boring last night so I won’t be trying that particular recipe again.  I think tomorrow I will make a vegetable curry to excite the taste buds a little (hopefully). Any tasty vegetarian recipes recommendations will be very welcome by the way.

On the positive side, it has been good to spend the first week of lent strengthening my connection to God through prayer and a bit of mediation.  I still battle with reading my bible.  For some reason, I just can’t connect to it but I don’t let it get me down as I know that God will get His messages to me in a way that I will hear Him and understand what it is He needs me to know. In the meantime I am reading Marianne Williamson’s book, Return to Love. It’s a good read if you have not read it yet. At the moment I am being reminded to surrender to God’s will. That reminder has come just in time. I can feel that my ego has been over exerting itself of late! 😞

Another positive is that I have noticed that my blood sugar levels are averaging slighter lower this week which is probably due to the increased vegetable intake. The thing I do need to be careful of is allowing too many refined carbs creep into my diet through pizza and pasta. I quite interested to see if my son’s skin will also benefit form the change in diet. I am really hoping it will. He has really had a pretty bad case of acne this past year.

Well that’s it from me. Be blessed everyone.

A room without books is like a body without a soul. – Cicero

Bloganuary Day 21

Today’s Prompt: Who is your favorite author and why?

Now there is a question that I don’t really have an answer to. I enjoy reading. Ever since I was a kid, I had to read something every day. To this day, no day is complete without me reading something even if it is an article or two on Medium or a blog post on WordPress. I have have shelves and shelves of both fiction and non-fiction books. I don’t know if I will ever get to read all of them but I live in hope.🤭 I do have some favourites though. Let’s start with the fiction:

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• Lee Childs – I loooove Jack Reacher! He is such a unique character. I was horrified when they made Tom Cruise play him so I didn’t bother watching him. I must say that the Amazon Prime series actor is a lot closer to the picture I had of Reacher so I enjoyed season 1 and look forward to season 2 although I still prefer to read the books.
• Jeffery Deaver – The master of deception. He keeps me guessing
• James Patterson – I love that his chapters are so short. It results in the books having a good pace.
• Ken Follet – I love the stories and how he weaves his love of cathedral architecture into his stories.
• Michael Connelly – Both the Bosch and Mickey Haller series. I have also enjoyed how the stories have been brought to life in the TV series created for both characters.
• George R.R. Martin – I have just started reading A song of Ice and Fire series and I just love his style.
• J.K Rowling – I love the level of detail she adds to her stories. I marvelled as I read the Harry Potter series. I recently bought “The Cuckoo is Calling” which is written under her pseudonym, Robert Galbraith. I look forward to reading this series as well.

I used to enjoy Stephen King, Sydney Sheldon and Dean Koontz when I was at school. I read Stephen King’s “On Writing” a few years ago. It’s a must for aspiring writers.

Non fiction writers that I enjoy include

• Malcoln Gladwell – Outliers made me think long and hard about the opportunities I wanted to give my son in order for him to make well informed choices later on in his life.
• Walter Isaacson – I have yet to finish one of his biographies. They are so long but very enjoyable to read when I can fit them in. I have started Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein.
• Gabby Bernstein – I love her take on spirituality. She really helped me find my way to God in recent years. This is also true of Florence Scovel Shinn’s books.

Let me also not forget the poetry of Billy Chapata.

As you can see, I could go on forever about the books that I read. A lot of the non-fiction books that I have read and are still to be read are probably easier to group together by topic rather than author as I am drawn to books on spirituality, psychology, finance (Mine needs serious help!), economics and business.

I have a list of new authors that I will be keeping an eye out for based on the recommendations of my fellow bloganuary participants. Just follow the hashtag #bloganuary to find a few that might interest you.

I’m off. I’ll leave you this beautiful quote about books and reading.

“As you read a book word by word and page by page, you participate in its creation, just as a cellist playing a Bach suite participates, note by note, in the creation, the coming-to-be, the existence, of the music. And, as you read and re-read, the book of course participates in the creation of you, your thoughts and feelings, the size and temper of your soul.”

Ursula K. Le Guin

Home Sweet Home

Bloganuary Day 20 – only 11 days to go…

Today’s Prompt: What irritates you about the home you live in?

I am going to change this around and talk about what I love about the home I live in as I don’t enjoy focusing on the negative. There will always be things that I want to change about my home but that will be because I have gotten bored with seeing the same things in the same places to I will switch it up for a change in scenery. I also find that moving things around often changes the energy of the space.

So what do a I love about my home? Well I love that I have a home and that I get to share it with my son every day. I love that I have stairs as I always wanted a double storey home when I was a kid. I try and make sure that I run up the stairs a few times a day when I need to fetch something as my home is very small so it helps me get a little bit of exercise in every day.

I love my little garden out back although I have been neglecting it of late due to the influx of mozzies. They have my ankles for dinner! I love that I do have my own little patch of grass to ground myself on and space for my table and benches so that I can sit and watch the butterflies flitter and flutter about and watch the kittens chase each other. I find it very calming and peaceful even though there is a bust main road very close by.

I do need to give my home a complete overhaul as right now it is in complete disarray. I am constantly amazed at how I can get rid of an item of furniture and somehow, just somehow, I manage fill up that space with stuff before I can get to replace that furniture with a new piece. So, as I said, now I just have give every space a complete overhaul so that it looks pretty and has utility.

I live in a complex, from the car park, one has great views of the west of Durban, especially the beautiful sunsets. I’ll leave you with a pic of one that I took earlier this week.

African sunset. Image credit: Author

So that’s it for today. Thanks for dropping by. Bye for now.

Food, Glorious Food!

Bloganuary Day 18

Today’s Prompt: What’s your favourite meal to cook and/or eat?

Let me start by saying that I love to cook however, my cooking skills often leave a lot to be desired. My son cooks way better than me and makes a wonderfully tender fillet steak with butter and rosemary. We usually have it with chips/french fries. This is definitely one of my favourite meals to eat!

My son’s Butter and Rosemary steaks

Creamy Tuscan Chicken

The dish I have enjoyed making and eating is called Creamy Tuscan Chicken. I found the the recipe on the internet. It’s quick and easy and tastes delicious. I serve it with pasta most often. The recipe doesn’t call for it but I add basil at the end which just helps to make it taste more fresh and not too creamy. You can find the recipe here.

Creamy Tuscan Chicken served with Penne.

We seldom eat dessert with our meals but when we do, it’s most often triple chocolate pudding from Woolworths. It has a layer of chocholate sponge, white chocolate mouse and dark chocolate mouse. It no way good for my sugar levels but way worth it!

Thanks for stopping by! Bye for now!

Sons Are the Anchors of a Mother’s Life – Sophocles

Bloganuary Day 16

Today’s Prompt: Describe the happiest day of your life

Today’s prompt is a no-brainer for me. The happiest day of my life was August 7th 2007. That was the day I found out I was pregnant. I used a home pregnancy kit and I remember it being a wednesday evening. I was in complete shock for a few seconds and then complete and utter joy swiftly overtook that shock! I was so excited I literally wanted to shout it from the roof top.

I lived alone and was so excited that I couldn’t sleep. I still had to have it confirmed by a dr but I new in my heart that was merely a formality. I spent that entire night planning on how I was I going make space for my child financially especially as I knew I was going to be a single mum from the get go. I hadn’t planned on falling pregnant but I felt so blessed by this wonderful surprise that God had gifted me with.

The next happiest day was the 7th Jan 2008 when I foound out he would be a boy and then of course, the day of his arrival was the 3rd happiest day of my life. I have been so fortunate that he has made motherhood a relatively easy going experience. We have had the usual ups and downs and thankfully we have come out of each episode stronger 😊🙏I am so blessed to call him my son.

My 💖

Just the two of us having some fun over the years

Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.– Sonia Ricotti

Bloganuary Day 15. (Eek we are half way through Jan already!!!)

Today’s Prompt: What fear have you conquered?

Hmmm…I guess there a quite a few major fears (well to me anyway) that I have conquered over the years.

When I was done studying, I needed practical experience in order to get my diploma, the experience was hard to come by. I was beside myself and had no idea what to do about it. My dad was very clear that he would not be supporting me now that I had completed my studies so I had to figure something out. I was beside myself with fear but I had to make it happen to I started applying for waitressing jobs while looking for an in-service training position. As it turns out, my waitressing position led to me meeting the person who would help find a position. That position ultimately led to where I am today.

My most recent fear though has being the fear of ageing. I turned 50 last Saturday. It’s a pretty big number and it can be pretty scary. I have spent the last 2-3 years working on accepting it. The hardest part has been looking in the mirror and accepting that I no longer look like my 25 year old self. There are lines forming around my eyes now and my jowls are looking…well…jowly…lol. I can see me face is starting to sag and it has been hard to accept. I love my grey hair though. It’s my favourite part about ageing. I have written about this in an earlier post but a few months ago, I made the decision that it is what it is and that what is in my control is accept the fact that I am ageing and to celebrate it by dressing up and just flaunting my 50 year old self. Why not right! I have also decided to take better care of myself so that I get to enjoy a better quality of life for as long as I am on this earth.

The result is that I actually love myself more than I ever have. I feel good and even though the weight has been stubborn, I think I look great! My friend was saying to me the other day that I look brighter and more radiant. I’ll take that. I follow like minded woman on social media who are comfortable in ther own skins at my age. I just unfollowed a lady who was sharing her minor cosmetic surgery yesterday. I don’t have an issue with it. It makes me sad to see the lengths people will go to to avoid looking older. It’s not possible to stop it but it is possible to look good naturally through the process. We are so blessed to live in an age where a lot of our female role models are choosing to age gracefully like Sarah Jessica Parker and Dame Helen Mirren. In South Africa we have Connie Ferguson and Thembi Seete. I have had the pleasure of being in Thembi Seete’s company for a very short period of time and I was so blown away by her energy and attitude. I want to be like her when I grow up …lol.

At the end of the day, by holding on to my younger self, I have not been able to appreciate and enjoy who I am today. Truth be told, I am a very different person today and I much prefer her to scaredy mouse I was back then. I must admit though that this new found appreciation for myself takes a conscious effort every single day but I am enjoying walking past a mirror and consciously stopping and smiling at myself rather hurrying past in case I see a flaw. It’s awesome.

Taken a week shy of my 50th birthday. Photo credit: Venetia Mitchell. Dress: Jaggery Collection

So Cheers to 50 year old me! Girrrl…You are amazing!🍾🥂

Travelling…over God’s country

Bloganuary Day 14

Today’s Prompt: What is your preferred mode of travel?

I would definitely say the car! Road trips are my favourite.

When I was a kid, it seemed like we were always on the road during school holidays. My dad loved driving and visiting his and my mum’s families. As a result, we would travel to Johannesburg from Pietermaritzburg, where we lived, or to the farm, spend the day in Durban, or drive to a small town called Harding in KZN. One year we even drove to Cape Town. It’s an 18-hour trip, and I really don’t know how my dad coped with all our singing and chatter along the way. I was only eight years old then and full of energy.

I had dreamed of taking my son on road trips too but it hasn’t quite worked out as planned. We did drive to East London in the Eastern Cape with my dad. That was a 6 or 8 hr trip and Alex sat like a trooper all the way there. He was only 5 or so when we drove down. He was so excited to get there that he didn’t even want to take a bathroom break until mother nature refused to take no for an answer.

The other trip I did take my son on was a trip to Johannesburg with my boyfriend at the time. My son was about ten years old. We stopped at the smallest church in Southern Africa at Van Reenen’s Pass. It is called The Landoff Oratory, and you can read about its history here. It is gorgeous and is surrounded by the most beautiful landscape.

The Little Church. Photo credit: Michelle Frankson

The Coffee Shop next door. Photo Credit: Michelle Frankson

I think the things I love most about road trips is the quality time you get to spend with your travelling companions in the car, the scenery (South Africa is a beautiful country) and the journey.

Ooh, the other little road trip that stands out in my mind was the drive from Trumbull, Connecticut, to Weehawken, New Jersey and back. It was the end of September, and the nighttime temperature dropped between trips, so the trees were green on the way to NJ, and on the way back, most had changed colour to the beautiful autumn shades of yellow and orange. It totally blew my mind!

I love flying as well. Most people think me strange, but the take-off is my favourite part of the flight. I also love airports. I love that I am surrounded by such a mix of people and cultures at any point in time, and it’s always a vibe. I love flying because it takes me to such distant destinations that have different cultures to experience.

It has always been a dream of mine to let my son experience all the major forms of transport at least once. He has flown, taken a long distance bus trip to Port Elizabeth (once was enough!) and had a train ride to Inchanga although we need to do that trip again but in the steam engine. Next up is a cruise. My aim is for that to happen in the next year or two. We were supposed to tick that off last year but covid got in the way.

What’s your favourite way to travel? Let me know in the comments. I would also highly recommend follwing the bloganuary hashtag as I have read great posts on this topic.

When I am a wealthy woman…

Bloganuary Day 13

Today’s Prompt: If you had a billion US dollars, how would you spend it?

Well! Imagine that! That is a serious bit of money! Which just reminds me…i forgot to buy my Powerball ticket for tonight🤦🏽‍♀️😂 Of course I wouldn’t need to buy one if I had all that money but I’d probably do it anyway just because I can.

Photo by John Guccione http://www.advergroup.com on Pexels.com

So what will I do? First things first, I will donate a 10th of it to Gift of the Givers. They are a charity organisation who do amazing work in South Africa as well as all over the world. They have helped the release of hostages, helped out at every major disaster around the world over the 10+ years and in South Africa. Their founder and leader is Dr Imtiaz Sooliman and he is based in my home town. He used to treat my mum when he was still a practising medical doctor. You can read about how a visit to Turkey sealed his fate and, if you are moved to, contribute to the foundation here.

I will also donate 10% to the SPCA. They do amazing work. I will also start a fund that would take of the needs of old people’s pets as it is exteremly expensive to maintain a pet in South Africa. A visit to the vet costs more than a visit to the GP.

Thereafter, I will definitely give my family and friends a share of it, especially those who have always been there for me. Then I will invest it so that my son and I can live a fantastic life travelling the world. I will make us visit every museum and classic little bookshop I can find and he will make us attend every F1 race and probably every car manufacturers headquarters as well.

I will buy a house somewhere in the world where I can see the sea and the mountains (much like one can in Cape Town) from my writing room. It will also need to have a beautiful garden that I can walk through and ground myself in everyday. Can you imagine the size of the library I will have!

Photo by Ricardo Esquivel on Pexels.com

My son will have whatever he needs which may not be same as what he wants. He will have to work for the things that he wants but doesn’t need. I will buy my dad his dream cottage by the sea where he can step out of his door and go fishing every day if he so chooses.

Lastly, well for now anyway, I will set up a foundation that mentors and perhaps sponsors South Africans who are motivated to make something of themselves. Age will not be a factor as not everyone knows what they want in their 20’s. If you have only found your purpose at age 70 and you are looking for support and guidance on how to make it happen, our doors would definitely be open to you. We so desperately need to make South Africa the place where dreams can come true in order to uplift our people and our economy.

So yip, that is just some of the things that I will do with my billion dollars. Nothing too fancy. Now note, I say and will and not would as it’s still very possible that I will be a billionnaire one day. I live in faith. Nothing is impossible.😉

Let me know what you will be doing with yours in the comments.

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? —Phyllis Diller

Well unless you are procrastinging an admin task, then housework is so inviting. Wouldn’t you agree? Well…that leads me to the prompt for bloganuary Day 12.

Today’s Prompt: What chores do you find the most challenging to do?

I have to admit that every chore is challenging when I think about getting started but once I get going, I actually enjoy what I am doing. Chores like ironing and washing dishes can actually be meditative. I sometimes also listen to music, a podcast or an audiobook while I am busy.

I find cooking and baking very engaging. Following that recipe, expecting it to come out the same everytime, and then finding that it seldom does, always boggles my brain. I swear I do the exact same thing every time but sometimes my food/cake is too dry or doesn’t have enough salt or too moist for example. Does the same thing happen to you? How does it happen????

Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com

As a general rule, actually writing down targets/goals and OKR’s is a good reason to pull out all my procrastination tools. I will happily clean, declutter, iron and spit and polish any surface to avoid this type of chore. I call it a chore because it is not fun but it is necessary. I know what I want to achieve but articulating it on paper means actually getting specific and realistic about it and I want to achieve everything like yesterday! 🤦🏽‍♀️Once I am done though, I feel so accomplished! I feel like an actual professional 😂.

So yes, any repititive task that I need to do tends to be challenging however, once I get going I always end up asking myself “What took you so long!”. Do you have specific chores that you find challenging even once you get started or are you more like me? Hate it until you start. Let me know in the comments.

Bye bye for now. I’ll leave you with this quote by A.A. Milne. It’s sums up my home and desk 🤭

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.

A.A. Milne

Defining Success

Bloganuary Day 11

Today’s Prompt: How do you define success?

It’s day 11 and I am tired of writing a post a post a day already but here I am. I guess in that respect I am already successful in maintaining a daily writing habit up until this point.

If I think about it, to me success is made up of at least 3 parts:

1. Do what you say you will do.
2. As Matthew McConaughey reminds us on IG- Don’t half-*ss it!
3. Leave the world a little better than you found it when you are done even if the outcome is not quite what you intended it to be.

I’m going to keep it short and sweet today. Would you add anything further to those 3 parts? Looking forward to reading everyone else’s definitions.

If you wish to renew your mind, read.– Lailah Gifty Akita

Bloganuary Day 10

Today’s Prompt: Has a book changed your life?

Those that follow my blog and those that know me, know that books are one of the great loves of my life. Every book that I read impacts my life in one way or another. It doesn’t matter if it is fiction or non-fiction. Every book counts.

If I have to choose 4 that stand out for me it would be:

1. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho- It was the first time I had read about the Universe conspiring to help me achieve my dreams. It is also my favourite quote from the book. It planted the seed that I was still allowed to dream (I was in my early thirties when I read it) and that it’s okay if I have to go on a journey to achieve it. In a nutshell, it gave me hope when I didn’t realise I needed it.
2. The Jewel of Abundance by Ellen Grace O’Brian – I read this book not long after my mum died. I was searching for meaning for my life and I also wanted to activate abundance in all its forms. I was in such a bad space by the end of 2018. It was a year of many losses. This book was recommended by Paulo Coelho on Twitter so I hoped onto amazon and bought the kindle version. It helped me understand what abundance is and it helped me bring spirituality into my life. I found a level of peace through this book. I think I need to go back to it because I need some guidance again.
3. The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn – This book is a metaphysical book but it made me look at the bible differently and help me understand it and grow my faith in God. I am not very good at reading the bible and there were certain perceptions that I had about it. I had many, sometimes heated, discussions with our priest when I was a teen and in my 20’s, about my perceptions. This book helped me see what he had been trying to tell me all along.
4. The Surrender Experiment – Micheal Singer. This book helped me trust my instincts more and follow the path that it leads me on as well as to let go of the outcome. I have since figured out at that I still have a lot to learn about surrendering but this book opened my eyes to what it is and that it is ok if things don’t work out as I had planned them.

Have you read any of these books? Did you have similar takealots? Let me know in the comments.

Gifts from the heart

Bloganuary day 9 (Holy macaroni we are almost through the first 3rd of January!)

Today’s Prompt: What is the most memorable gift you have received?

Sjoe it is hard to pin this down to just one thing. There are a few that stand out in my mind for various reasons.

• A carved wooden bangle that my aunt had sent for me while she was still in exile. She was my favourite aunt, especially when I was a kid. She used used to give us the bag of sweets when we left the farm. You can read about it here. They had to leave in the dead of night without saying goodbye and without telling anyone in the family where they were going back in 1980 or so. We were devastated and for a long time we, the kids, were never told where in the world she and her son’s were for their safety. In approximately 1988, her daughter and her family were able to visit her in Botswana although she was largely based in Tanzania while she was in exile. Her daughter brought back gifts, one of which was this bangle that she gave me. I was so thrilled. I had missed my aunt so and it blew me away that she thought of me while she was away. I still treasure that bangle.
• The pottery roses that my son created for me in his preschool class when he was 4 years old. They are so beautiful and he was so proud of them. He made them for Mother’s day. They stay on a shelf above my bed where I look at them every day. They were clearly made with love.
• A card that my son made for mother’s day in primary school. He coloured it in in the brightest, most beautiful colours. It just looked perfect. The thing is that he hated colouring anything in from the time he could hold a crayon. His teachers would get so frustrated with him. For whatever reason, that year, he put his heart and soul into colouring that card so I really treasure it. I often remind him how much grateful I am for it and how much I appreciate how he put aside his hatred for colouring in to create such a beautiful card for me. He beems every time I tell him.
• My younger sister had once bought me a beautiful wooden wardrobe jewellery box for Christmas. I loved it so much. It reminded me of how thoughtful her gifts always were. Unfortunately I don’t have it anymore as a few termites discovered it so I had to get rid of it but I loved that jewellery box and all that it signified about her.

Those are just a few of the very memorable gifts that I received.

Some of my most treasured gifts

My bangle from Tanzania

That’s it for today. Thanks for stopping by. Bye for now.

Of Bloodlines and Origins

Bloganuary day 8

Today’s prompt: How far back in your family tree can you go?

I was so surprised that this was today’s prompt as, out of the blue, my son and my nephew both asked for access to our family tree this afternoon. Our Family tree was therefore top of mind for me anyway today. How cool is that!

We are very fortunate in that my Dad has spent the last few years delving into the history of our family, especially on his dad’s side as this is name we carry. Thus far he has gone as far back as the early 1700’s. On my mum’s side, we can trace my grandfather’s family back to the 1800’s as far as I know but we don’t know really know anything about my grandmother’s family.

We are of mixed race. On my dad’s side it is English and Zulu and on my mum’s side it is English and St Helenic. Somehere in the St Helenic line is Asian ancestory as the boys in particular in my grandfather’s family have Asian features. My mum inherited those feautues as well and passed those genes on to us as well. It is has far easier to trace the English bloodline than it has been the Zulu line. As far as I know, no records exist for the Zulu bloodline. I assume my mum’s mum still has family in St Helena as I went onto the website one day and I say a picture of a lady standing at her back door that looked so much like her. When I looked at the caption I was pleasantly surprised to see that she had the surname as my gran so it’s highly likely she is family.

As most of our knowledge is about my dad’s side of the family, I can only really speak to that. I must admit that it has been empowering to learn that we descend from ship owners on the one hand and a strong, courageous woman on the other. Unfortunately all my grandparents had passed by the time I was 10 and I never knew my dad’s dad as he passed when my dad was 16. My dad’s mum is the only one I got to hear stories from. She would have us help her fold laundry on rainy days and entertain us with stories of her school days. She was one of the first 23 students that attended the school where she grew up in the early 1900’s so it was all very novel to them.

The pics below were taken at the home of my Great great grandfather which, up until recently, was a snapshot of their life in the early 1900’s. It is also surrounded by a nature reserve so it is extremely peaceful. I have loved walking through the grounds. We’ve had to side step the zebras and, if we wanted to see the buck that roamed the grounds, we had to remain very still as they were very skittish. It’s also the location that I chose for our family portrait last year.

Coedmore castle. Photographer: Author

Posing with the Zebras. Photographer: Author

Understanding their history with Grandpa. Photographer: MFenner Photography

We inherit from our ancestors gifts so often taken for granted. Each of us contains within this inheritance of soul. We are links between the ages, containing past and present expectations, sacred memories and future promise.

Edward Sellner

I could go on and on about our family tree but i will stop here. I think it is so importnat and very empowering to know where we come from. We don’t realise that we all carry great bloodlines if we go back far enough.

Thank you for taking this walk through our family history with me. I hope you have enjoyed it. Bye for now.

Rain

Bloganuary Day 7

Today’s Prompt: Write a short story or poem about rain

Oh My Hat! What a challenge! Since today is my 50th birthday and I guess I’ll start this decade off with something new. Here’s my attempt at writing a short poem about Rain. Here goes:

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Rain falls.
Constantly, relentessly.
Pounding the windows, the earth.

Streams form. Rivers rise
Sand loosens.  Mud slides
Walls slump. Homes crumble.
Life fades.  Futures change.

What was is washed away 
What is is in ruins
What will be? What will be?

A new dawn.  A new day.
Sun shines.  Debris is cleared
A new earth revealed.  New dreams arise

Let me know what comes to mind and what you think of itl. Let me live and learn 😊

That’s it for today. Bye for now.

Why do I write

Bloganuary Day 6

Today’s prompt: Why do you write?

I love writing! It’s taken me years to acknowledge and accept it simply because I didn’t think I could ever hold anyone’s attention with my attempts at writing but here we are. 💃

I wrote about this very topic back in 2017 which you can read here. I still write for the same reasons and, in all honesty, I don’t think I can write it as well now as I did back then.

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

“When you’re sharing, it offers the opportunity for someone to help you.”

Marala Scott

Thank you for reading my posts and sharing your perspectives on the things that I write about in the comments. You teach me to broaden my thinking and help me grow.

That’s it for today. Bye for now.

Joy lives in the moment

Bloganuary Day 5

Today’s Prompt: What brings you joy?

Once again, my mum was my first thought when I read that prompt. Her name was Joy. When she passed, everyone would tell me how she brought joy to them through her smile. She always greeted everyone with a smile. Her baking was the other way she brought joy to people. She was a very talented baker and she liked to make note of (in her head), exactly who liked what cake. She always made sure she made a person’s favourite when they visited or she visited them. Of course, seeing the delight on people’s faces when she smiled at them and when they walked in smelled their favourite treat before they even laid eyes on it, made her light up. She was an introvert so she would try to hide it but if you paid close attention in that moment, you would notice her light up just a little bit. I think it is pretty cool that she deliberately did something to bring people joy every time they came into contact with her. She really lived up to her name in that respect. The thought of it brings me joy and inspires me.

What brings me joy are the simple things in life.

– Seeing my son light up when he is proud of himself or I am proud of him or when something good happens to him.

– Spending time with the cats that adopted us. They are such curious and innocent souls. Below is a video I created on IG. My son was movinga ball around with his hands and they were just fascinated. I added the song on IG and it just worked out perfectly! I was so chuffed!

Video: Created on IG by author. Music: I Feel Good by Pink Sweat$.

– Spending time in the company of toddlers and pre-schoolers. They keep me alert to, and appreciative of, the wonders around me.

– Listening to the bird’s conversation in the mornings. I really wish I could speak tweet and chirp. Their conversation sounds pretty hectic sometimes especially when they are shouting at each other😂😂

– Spending time pottering in my little garden and especially when all my efforts are rewarded with a new bloom.

– Books and the wonderful act of reading them. I am currently reading Game of Thrones. I love the way George RR Martin puts words together. It feels like I am reading a piece of art.

– I guess I get this from my mum, but surprising people with little gifts brings me great joy. Sometimes it’s the gift of an experience that they have never had before rather than a material object. Either way I always hope that I was able to enrich their lives for a short period.

– I will end with calling out writing as something that brings me great joy. I get so excited when I write so if everything seems a bit jumbled sometimes, now you know why.

These are just some of things that bring me joy every day. I hope you felt some of my joy just reading about them. Don’t forget:

The world is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.

W.B. Yeats

There are lots of interesting blogs on each of the bloganuary topics. If you would like to read more of them, you can follow the tag here.

Thanks for stopping by. Bye for now.

Lost treasure

Bloganuanry Day 4

Today’s prompt: What is a treasure that’s been lost?

The first thought that came to mind was my mum. She was a treasure to us and to many that she came into contact with. Her passing was a great loss to our family and to the community she lived and worked it.

There is another treasure though that also came to mind and that is our safety or perhaps I should say, our freedom. In South Africa, it’s often our physical safety and freedom. Like most countries, there are good spots and bad spots in every city and I try to keep to the good spots but there are still extra precautions we have to take like having burglar bars on our windows and having security gates on our doors and you can’t leave valuables in plain sight in your car. We therefore live in a state of constantly being on our guard which means that we constantly in a state of stress which can’t be good for us. I do believe that there are very few countries in the world where people are safe but I guess in SA, the risk of being the victim of a crime is higher than most especially in some areas.

I do believe that as wonderful as the internet is, it has made it easier for criminals to grow their networks and to get to us. It is actually so sad. I didn’t realise how vunerable we were until I read Jeffery Deaver’s book “The Broken Window” in about 2009. Although it was fictional, it was frightening to discover how our information could be manipulated and used if it lands in the wrong hands. While identity theft was always a possibility, criminals had to work much harder to get your information before the internet came along. So while it so much easier to connect these days and to share, how you put the information out there can put you at risk. This unfortunately is a global problem.

I will always take whatever precautions I can to hinder the criminals but I won’t let the fear of what could happen dictate everything that I do. If I did I wouldn’t have this blog and then I wouldn’t have met all the awesome people that I have over the past year especially.

That’s it for today. Bye for now.

Teddy Bears and Geese

Bloganuary Day 3 – what a challenge!

Today’s Prompt: What is the earliest memory you have?

Well. I honestly don’t know what my earliest memory actually is. I do remember my tartan teddy which I wrote about last year. He got lost before I was 4 I would say but it was clearly a pretty tragic event for me because I still remember him very clearly and the pic is just proof that he did exist and i am not going mad ..lol

The Farm

Other than my teddy, I remember having an awesome childhood. We spent a lot of time on the farm where I ran wild with my cousins and had a ton of fun. I remember my gran taking my sister and I for a walk through the sugar cane on our way to the dam. We dodged a huge cane rat and a snake that was in hot pursuit of it on that particular trip. I remember my cousin and I being chased by geese. We were in tears and our dads were crying as well but for a very different reason. They were crying tears of laughter at our stupidity especially since they did warn us. 😂 Of course my favourite memory of the farm was sunday afternoons when we would stop at my aunt’s shop to say goodbye and she would give us each a little bag of sweets. Well, guess who my favourite aunt on the farm was…lol

The Flats

I also remember us living in the local council flats. There were lots of kids to play with and play we did. Michelle was such a common name then that there was a Michelle in almost every block. When the mum’s would come out and shout for us at the end of the day, the name Michelle would be heard most often. One of my clearest memories of that time was the day my mum asked me to sit on the stairs and wait for the ice-cream man to come. I was so excited. When he did arrive and my mum came out, the coins had all disappeared. Turns out I had put them in my mouth and accidently swallowed them although I did not remember actually doing it at the time and to this day. Needless to say, we didn’t have any ice-cream that day and it took a few more days before that money was recovered. 🤦🏽‍♀️ TV came to South Africa in 1976. I was 3 years old then. We didn’t have a TV then. When we moved to the flats, my best friend’s family lived below us. They would let my sister and I watch a programme or two in the evenings. TV programming only started at 6pm.

I don’t know if the same thing happened to you but I noticed that the memories I do have of those early years are memories that have a strong emotion attached to them. Some are joyful and some are created through a traumatic or fear-filled event. If I am not mistaken, this has been proven in a study somewhere along the way. I know that Tony Robbins also talks about doing things, especially with your kids and loved ones, that invoke strong positive emotions to create lasting memories of the experience for everyone. I guess it clearly works.

Thanks for reading. I hope you had as fun with the topic as I did going down memory lane. Bye for now.

Being Brave

Bloganuary Day 2.

Today’s prompt: How are you brave?

I have been thinking about this question all afternoon. The Oxford dictionary defines the verb as enduring or facing (unpleasant conditions or behaviour) without showing fear. I think we all find ourselves in situations, and moments, in which we face unpleasant conditions/behaviour and overcome them without showing fear no matter how terrified we may actually be. These are just a few of the situations I have find myself in from time to time or daily were being brave is par for the course.

Being a woman

There is no doubt that being a woman in a man’s world takes a certain amount of bravery almost every day. Every time I walk out the door I run the risk of encountering a man who thinks he is entitled to cat call me, touch me/invade my personal space without my consent, ignore my inputs or belittle them simply because I am a woman or I am made the mistake of letting emotion slip into my response. Being a womansometimes needs courage in this world.

Being a single parent

Raising a child is not easy for anyone so if you are a parent, you definitely deserve a bravery badge. Raising a child as a single parent can require an extra bit of courage sometimes, especially since I haven’t always had a village close by to support me, let along a partner. Here’s the thing though, as long as I keep getting up each day and putting one foot in front of the other and crossing each bridge as I come to it, and have faith, somehow, just somehow, I manage to keep my son clothed, fed, safe, happy and feeling loved and appreciated. Yes I have had help along the way in the form of friends, family and very supportive managers at work, for which I am eternally grateful but when it is just the two of us at home, it’s all on me. Raising my son has being my greatest challenge and therefore taken the greatest amount of courage but I am so grateful for the opportunity.

Of course there are the challenges that come with not just being a woman but being a woman of colour in this world and those that come with just living in South Africa. The July 2020 unrest brought home just how quickly things can spiral out of control and the danger that comes with it. I don’t think there is single person that lives in KZN in South Africa in particular, who doesn’t still have a level of awareness of this danger in the back of their minds. Either we are brave souls to remain her or fools. Time will tell.

Lastly, let’s not forget the every day bits of courage that is needed to reach your dreams. As a hardcore introvert, I am terrified of public speaking. Last year I decided to tackle the fear head on so I volunteered to speak in big forums (ok it was online but they were still big forums). Phew, talk about being brave! My apple watch was even sending alerts that my heart was racing while I was talking…lol. At the end of it all, I was still standing. I was exhausted after each talk but I was still standing. With that episode in mind, the quote below pretty much sums up bravery and courage for me.

“Courage is about learning how to function despite the fear, to put aside your instincts to run or give in completely to the anger born from fear. Courage is about using your brain and your heart when every cell of your body is screaming at your to fight or flee – and then following through on what you believe is the right thing to do.”

Jim Butcher

This is quite a broad topic and I could go on forever but I will stop here. I would love to know your thoughts on the topic so I will be searching for the bloganuary + bravery tags to read through your blogs. Please feel free to add your thoughts in the comments as well.

Bye for now 🌷

Would you have a great empire? Rule over yourself – Publilius Syrus

Bloganuary is back! I am so excited!

Today’ s prompt: What is something you want to achieve this year?

I am looking at my vision board and there is still so much that I want to achieve. I also know that none of it matters if I don’t have a good system in place. Discipline has been a weak point of mine but that needs to change. I say this every year but it’s definitely time. The one thing I therefore must achieve is the creation, and implementation, of a system that enables maximum output. This applies mainly to my writing but also to my day job. I think I’ll stick the following quote from James Clear’s book Atomic Habits above my desk as well add it to my phone’s wall paper:

You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.

James Clear (Atomic Habits)

I feel that this is the single most thing I must achieve this year because the principles will be applicable to any area of my life that needs focus in the future. I will also prove to myself that I can do it. I plan on looking to the Stoics for help in achieveing the right mindset. I was drawn to “Discipline is Destiny” by Ryan Holiday in the bookstore before Christmas so I guess this idea has been brewing in the back of my mind for a while. This is also gives me confidence that I will succeed in my quest this year. 💃💃

Well that’s it from me. What would you like to achieve this year? I look forward to reading your responses in the comments. Have a prosperous 2023!

The Power of Lipstick

Let me start by saying that I am in no way a stylist or a make-up artist or anything of that nature. I am your average ex-tomboy who has spent my entire life intimidated by make-up. As a result, the only make-up that is very hard to get wrong, is the only make-up you would usually find me in i.e. eyeliner and mascara and then it just became mascara because I just got so tired of having panda eyes…lol. This year though, I discovered the magical powers of lipstick and it was quite by accident.

My baby sister actualy introduced me to a colour that actually suited me. I owned quite a few lipsticks by then but none I felt very confident in. Then I discovered the Mac website and that I could try the lipsticks on virtually. I still didn’t trust my own judgement so I asked a male friend for his opinion and bought the ones he recommended it. I decided to wear one to work. I dressed up a little more for the occasion too 😉😂. I was blown away by the reaction I got!

I was greeted by people who barely greeted before. People would shout hello in the canteen and these were people who also barely greeted before. People took me more seriously as if I was suddenly a force to be reckoned with! But wait…there’s more…I walk into stores and the staff actually approach me now and I find that the level of service I receive is waaayyy better than before. I no longer have to wait too long for my orders to be filled in fast food places. Who knew that the addition of lipstick would make such an impact! Needless to say that my confidence levels have gone through the roof and I have officially become addicted to lipstick!

Me without and then with my favourite lipstick colour (Flat out Fabulous from Mac)

You can see from the pic above that it makes quite a difference. It changes my skin tone and just gives a more polished finished somehow. I have to admit that I am just blown away by the difference it makes. Anyway, I am glad I have discovered this new little magic wand.

I have also discovered a new benefit as well. I can now wear clothes in colours that didn’t quite suit me before. I have more of a warm tone but there are times when I like clothing that only comes in colours more suited to cool tones. It broke my heart when I had to just leave them on the rack in the store. Now I can wear some of them. All I need to do is wear the right colour lipstick with the top or dress and it helps to make me not look sickly. It’s important that the colour closest to your face suits your tone so lipstick is perfect. The tricky part is also making sure that the lipstick works with the colour of the clothes though.

Well that’s largely it. If you, like me, have been a bit intimidated by lipstick, I hope I have inspired you to overcome it and spend 2023 having a little fun creating new looks with it. I highly recommend trying the colours on virtually first. The actually lipstick colour tends to be slightly different when you buy it but it actually also tends to look even better than the pic.

Have fun!

31 Days of Gratitude – Day 30

Hello Hello. Well, there is just 30 hours (at the time of writing this) left in this year for me. I am actually so exhausted today. I suspect it’s from sheer relief that my son is home. We hold so much tension in our bodies sometimes and only realise it when the source of our tension goes away. Even though I slept very peacefully last night, I think I was still a bit keyed up. I suspect tonights sleep is going to be even better.

My son and I went out for lunch today and to get his Christmas present. They didn’t have stock so he has to wait a few more days. Initially he was a bit grumpy about it but I reminded him that it was not a “No” but a “Not yet”. His mood changed instantly. My son has an old soul and for this I am very grateful. His level of maturity makes it easier for me to parent him. I also learn a lot from him because he has more patience than me. He is a real blessing in every way.

I also want to take a moment today to say thank you for my baby sister and her husband who ensured that I was not alone this Christmas. I realised today that between them, the cats, my cousin as well as a few friends and of course, everyone who has taken the time to read my posts and comment, I probably would have been miserable this December. Thank you all for making the time to interact with me and for keeping me occupied. I am so very very grateful.

I forget sometimes that even though my son’s dad and I weren’t close at the time of his passing, I did still care about him and we had actually started to build a partnership this year in particular that allowed us to improve how we parented how son. Alex knew that we had each other’s backs when it came to him so he was feeling pretty secure. My heart is very sore that he is gone. I am going to miss his support and his drama (he was very dramatic sometimes…lol). I have been so worried about how I will support Alex through this that I had forgotten that I need to allow myself to grieve as well. I still haven’t even completely wrapped my head around the fact that he is no longer with us. Perhaps that is why I have not really grieved as well. One day at a time I guess. I think if everyone had not kept me so occupied, I probably would have dwelled on Warren’s passing and gotten depressed so thank you again to everyone. I am so grateful. 🙏🙏

Photo by Vie Studio on Pexels.com

That’s it for today. I hope you are enjoying your eve of New Year’s eve 😊. Have fun!

31 Days or Gratitude – Day 29

And he is home!!! I am so excited to have my son home again. I missed him more than usual this time. I guess it was because he was on the opposite end of the country. I am so grateful to his dad’s family for having him and for the experiences he has with them. He has now seen more of South Africa than I have which is just fantastic. 😊

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I am also grateful that we made it home safely from the airport in the rain. I hit a terrible pothole in the road but fortunately I had slowed down beforehand so I don’t seem to have done any damage. Fingers are still crossed on that one. I’ll check in the morning. Hopefully the rain will have moved on by then.

Well that’s it for today. Always grateful to experience another God-given day. 🙏Hope you have a great one! 🌷

31 Days of Gratitude – Day 28

Wow, these 28 days have really flown by. Usually I have no idea what else to be grateful for at this point in the month but this year I am realy enjoying the experience. So what am I grateful today? Well I have just returned from a Whitney Houston tribute show that I attended with a very good friend. We have had 2 outings together this month! That’s huge for us😂 so yes, I am very grateful that we got to attend the show together.

The show was awesome. The acoustics could have been a little better but it definitely did not detract from how beautiful and power the artists voice is. Her name is Belinda Davids. The show is called “The Greatest Love of All”. I didn’t get to see Whitney perform live but I’m sure Belinda’s performance is as close to the real deal as one can get. She really does an awesome job.

Belinda Davids performing one of my favourite Whitney Houston songs.

That’s it for today. Just grateful for another day on God’s beautiful earth. One more sleep until my son is home…whoop whoop 💃💃💃 Bye for now. Be blessed and have fun.

31 Days of Gratitude – Day 27

6 more sleeps until the New Year and 2 more sleeps until my son comes home! I have lots to be excited about! My little desk also arrived today. This one will be dedicated to my writing. I am so gratefil that I will have a little writing spot which I am hoping will help me create, and firmly entrench, a daily writing habit. I am counting on Bloganuary to really kick start the habit again as well. I had so much fun with it this past Jan.

I also spent some time this morning listing all the things I did this year. I have made so many changes and pushed so many boundaries. I am very proud of myself and very grateful for the opportunities and the means to do it all. I had also promised myself that I would be intentional about certain things this year. One of which was to stop absorbing knowledge and spend more time putting what I do know into practice and sharing it where I can. I’ve done it but there is so much more to share so I will definitely keep this on my list for years to come.

Another item on that list was to learn to love myself a whole lot more and I am glad to say that I have definitely made progress on this one. These days my first reaction when I look in the mirror is to smile at myself rather than look for faults. I have changed the way I dress and I have discovered the impact and power of lipstick ! Phew! I have a whole blog post planned on the power of lipstick alone. Who knew!😜 All in all I must say that it feels good to like what I see in the mirror and I am grateful that I am able to make that switch and start appreciating and valuing myself more.🙏

Just me having a little fun at work

That’s it for today. I have finally started the Fire & Ice series of books by George RR Martin. I bought them in 2018 but only feel like I am ready to commit to them as of today. I am only 2 chapters in and I am enjoying his writing already. Ooh and my favorite part was officially opening the boxset and having the smell of a brand new book hit me. The highlight of my day 😁.

My reading material for the next few weeks

Reflections #2 – Time Will pass anyway

Today Facebook reminded me of a 10 year old post. I was celebrating having enrolled for my BA in psychology and anthropology. Everyone thought I was mad. Today I am counting down the weeks to graduation day for my BA Honours in psychology.

It was a reminder that the time will fly by anyway. Time’s passing is out of my control but what is in my control is how I use it. Sometimes our dreams and goals seem so far away and we give up because we think it will take too long to achieve. The reality is that the time is going to pass anyway so go out and do that you have always wanted to do. One day you will look back and realise who much you maximised your time on this earth instead of wasting it in fear of “how long a dream or goal will take to achieve”.

Haven you ever chosen to do something even though it would take you what seemed like forever?

That’s for popping be. Be blessed.

Reflections #1 – Authority

Allowing others to dictate to me in areas where I am the expert weakens my authority.

Photo by Keegan Houser on Pexels.com

Last week, I had an experience where the outcome of a presentation was not received in the way I had expected it to be. I was pretty devastated, even though I am conscious of the fact that I never have total control of the outcome. In hindsight, there were a number of reasons for this. One of the key reasons is that I allowed my superiors to dictate the methodology to me even though they are not experts in my field. The minute I did this, I weakened my authority as an expert in my field.

The realisation was a wake-up call. I began to reflect on all the other situations where I was uncomfortable with the outcome. I realised that I had done it in those situations as well.

Next, I asked myself how I can take back my authority because I have allowed this to go on for too long. I have arrived at two courses of action for myself:

1. Seniority does not equal authority in all aspects. I must ask more and better questions to understand the stakeholder’s needs and expected outcomes to confidently design the correct study to deliver the result and not let them dictate how to do it. They honestly don’t know.
2. I need to work on my self-belief to truly take ownership of my area of expertise.
3. I must remind myself that failure is not the end of the world. There is a lesson in it. Learn from it and move on. Do not fear it.

Reflecting on what happened has really helped me get to grips with how to prevent this type of thing in the future.

Have you found yourself in a similar predicament? What did you do to overcome it?

Thanks for popping by. Be blessed.